I admit that I fall into this bad habit, myself, but this article needs some citations. I'm assuming it's taken from the SCE story that introduces their Tellarite character; am I correct? -- Sci 11:05 29 March 2006 UTC
The language used in this article is terrible. It really needs to be cleaned up. Here is an example.
During diplomatic contact with the Andorians, the inhabitants of the planet Andoria decided to showcase the ColAndor Scrolls - these documents served as an inspiration on how their race had formed a government in the hopes that it would likewise envoke such a reaction amongst the Tellarites. However, High Councillor Grev removed the five scrolls from the Andorian delegates and kept them on Tellar which became a source of conflict between them and the Tellarites. This incident almost led to a war but a truce was maintained which led to the colAndor Scrolls remaining on Tellar. (TNG - Gateways novel: Doors Into Chaos)
The first emboldened part. I know what the intent of this is but if you take the text literally as written it really sounds as if Grav cut the Andorians open and took the scrolls out of them.
The second emboldened part. The use of the word Maintained indicates a continuing process. Was the agreement to leave the scrolls on Tellar reached as soon as the truce was achieved or did it take some time?
main·tain (mn-tn) tr.v. main·tained, main·tain·ing, main·tains
1. To keep up or carry on; continue: maintain good relations.
2. To keep in an existing state; preserve or retain: maintain one's composure.
3. To keep in a condition of good repair or efficiency: maintain two cars.
4.
- a. To provide for; support: maintain a family.
- b. To keep in existence; sustain: enough food to maintain life.
5. To defend or hold against criticism or attack: maintained his stand on taxes.
6. To declare to be true; affirm: maintained her innocence.
7. To adhere or conform to; keep: maintain a busy schedule.
Wouldn't this section sound better something like this?
During diplomatic contact with the Andorians, the inhabitants of the planet Andor decided to showcase the ColAndor Scrolls - these documents served as an inspiration on how their race had formed a government in the hopes that it would likewise envoke such a reaction amongst the Tellarites. However, High Councillor Grev took the five scrolls from the Andorian delegates and kept them on Tellar which became a source of conflict between them and the Tellarites. This incident almost led to a war but a truce was achieved which led to the colAndor Scrolls remaining on Tellar. --216.106.12.177 20:01, June 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Feel free to change it. From memory, I think there was very little else said about the colAndor scrolls beyond the conflict emerging between the Andorians and Tellarites with the latter being the ones who claimed it in the end – Darth Batrus 19:07, June 20, 2010 (UTC)